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Freaky Friday Favorites

And here we are at another Friday.  You’d be surprised at how a 15 week vacation takes the edge off the need to make your status update on facebook: “T.G.I.F. Bitches!!!!” 

 At this point, winter can suck it.  However, at least with all the cold and snow this week, we also had these videos and photos to make us laugh.

Crazy Puppies Eating - watch more funny videos

Todaysbigthing.com just called this photo "The Hairy Arm"

Who Strangled J.R. With a Slinky?

Two things happened today that would stop any child of the seventies dead in their platform shoe tracks:  1. I found out that J.R., Sue Ellen and Bobby Ewing were reuniting for a new Dallas series; and 2.  I found a slinky while organizing the quilts in our cedar trunks.

Oh sure growing up we saw Ronald Reagan get shot and the Challenger disaster unfold right before our eyes on television, but we also suffered the anguish of having to wait a full eight months to know the answer to the question that galvanized a nation:  who in God’s name shot J.R.?  Kids today have no idea what we had to endure.  The sleepless nights spent chewing on Stretch Armstrong’s over-stretched arm just to calm your nerves.  The feeling of fear even going to your dad’s office after dark.  The knowledge that a killer with a 22 caliber weapon could be lurking in the T.G. & Y. or, God forbid after all those months of saving, the Green Stamps redemption office.  It was pure hell…I still don’t know how we got through it. And now a new Dallas series!  Oh sure it will suck, but I will be there and support those crazy, drinking, womanizing, nervous breakdown having, money-making Ewings!

I had big organizing plans today for our quilts.  My partner hoards them so it is quite an undertaking.  However, I got completely side-tracked when I discovered a slinky in one of the cedar trunks.  Why did we save this?  Because it is a slinky…duh.  We didn’t need much in the 70’s.  We were easily entertained.  So I thought I would post an original commercial as well as a video of my experience today.  Look familiar?

 

Cinnamon Chocolate Nachos and The Bermuda Triangle

I’m to the point that I’m done with this madness.  It is so infuriating and is currently happening with such frequency that it is downright alarming.  I’m not comfortable with this mysterious activity in such close proximity to my pets.  If we aren’t diligent, we’ll have an Amelia Earhart or Jimmy Hoffa like situation on our hands before you can even say “Shroud of Turin.”

The perplexing nature of this whole situation is turning my world upside down.  It is like the Zodiac Killer and the Babushka Lady built a time machine and sent Jack the Ripper traveling through time to kill the Black Dahlia.  (Speaking of that, have you ever seen the movie Time After Time?  Malcolm McDowell and Mary Steenburgen are in it.  It’s a good flick and I was obsessed with it as a kid). 

Seriously….I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  Where the hell are all the damn socks going when I do laundry?  It is like my dryer is the Mary Celeste or something. I get that this is a major problem plaguing all of us who do laundry.  I’m convinced there is an evil conspiracy between the dryer making companies and the sock making companies.  They are sitting in a castle somewhere diabolically placing a tiny piece of the Bermuda Triangle in every dryer ever made.  Bastards.  The picture below is the one sock collection I have amassed since being laid off.  I will be spending the day getting to the bottom of this mystery.  As God is my witness, I’ll never lose another sock again.  Not on my watch.

Oh hey, I also forget to share a recipe.  I wanted to make something different for Tiffany as part of our Super Bowl feast.  So in addition to the usual crap, I also made Cinnamon Chocolate Nachos.  They were pretty freaking good. 

Cinnamon Chocolate Nachos (from www.tasteofhome.com)

Ingredients

6 flour tortillas (inches)

7 tablespoons butter, melted and divided

6 tablespoons sugar, divided

½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

½ cup heavy whipping cream

1/3 cup packed brown sugar

1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, chopped

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup chopped pecans

Directions

Brush both sides of tortillas with 4 tablespoons butter. Combine 2 tablespoons sugar and cinnamon; sprinkle over one side of each tortilla.  Stack tortillas, sugared side up; cut into 12 wedges.  Arrange in a single layer on baking sheets.  Bake at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes or until crisp.

Meanwhile, in a heavy saucepan, combine the cream, brown sugar and remaining butter and sugar.  Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Cook at stir for 5 minutes or until slightly thickened; remove from heat; stir in chocolate and vanilla.  Cool slightly.

Arrange half of the tortilla wedges on a large serving platter.  Drizzle with half of chocolate sauce, sprinkle with half of the pecans.  Repeat layers.  Yield:  12 servings.

Dog Shit Party

Is it just me or are the birds outside going completely bat shit crazy?  I get that bats aren’t birds, but you know what I mean.  I take all the bird craziness as a sign that spring is coming soon.  Count on me and Punxsutawney Phil to predict these things. 

This thought inspired me to take the dogs on a nice walk at Railroad Park. Only the walk wasn’t so nice because Harpo went crazy and rolled around in Celie’s shit.  Naturally, for me this propelled a massive OCD response.  I wanted to wrap Harpo in a plastic bag, but a:  that would be cruel and b:  I didn’t have a bag big enough.

So my supposedly nice walk turned into bath day for Harpo and of course a complete scrubbing and disinfection process on the interior of my car.  I’m still wearing rubber gloves as I’m typing this btw.  Anyway, I also had a Steven Spielberg moment and filmed post bath.  I feel like this is an artistic expression of what my day as been like thus far.  I’m off now to Clorox wipe anything I think Harpo might have gotten within 6 inches of pre bath.  I hope you enjoy the movie.

My Poor Pillow and Taco Bell

I found something stronger than Super Glue…dried queso on the countertop.  Sweet mother I got a complete biceps and triceps workout just scrubbing the counters this morning.  While I was doing that, a full on pillow rape occurred in the living room.  I walked in on the assault just before the climatic end.  I’m just so disappointed and shocked.  I have no doubt the pillow was just sitting there minding its own business when it was attacked.  So disturbing.

The recent lawsuit filed against Taco Bell claiming their meat mixture contains less that 35% beef got my worried about a couple of things.  First of all, I’m pretty sure anything you can get from a drive-thru at 3:00am isn’t likely 100% beef.  Next, when you are completely intoxicated in the back seat of sedan after seven hours of drinking, less than 35% beef tastes pretty darn good.  Thirdly, did the fact that it is called a meat mixture never send up red flags to diners before? And lastly, when I grew up Taco Bell presented itself as the “Fresh Food Place.”  Do you remember that?  Does that mean I’m in for another shocker that Taco Bell doesn’t grow and slice fresh tomatoes each day?  That they don’t have their own dairy cows and grate fresh cheese made from the milk of said cows every morning at each Taco Bell franchise?  I mean we know now that only 35% of those dairy cows actually even make it into the meat mixture.   So surely the other 65% of the cows are squirting out that fresh cheese for our tacos and chalupas daily.  My world is completely turned upside down now.  I can’t make heads or tails of this revelation about the meat mixture.  I’m going back to bed until this all just goes away.

Super Bowl XLV: Theories and Queso

Before Super Bowl XLV kicks off later today, I feel compelled to share a couple of theories I have relevant to tonight’s big game.  First and foremost I believe that will.I.am (famous music producer and founding member of the Black Eyed Peas) and Mike Tomlin (coach of the Pittsburg Steelers) is the same person.  They will be in the same stadium tonight, but I can guarantee you won’t see them together.  Same person people…same person.

My next theory is that Jerry Jones (owner of the Cowboys) is the actual cause of all the dead birds, fish and crabs.  I also believe he is to blame for the blizzards raging across the U.S.  I think deep inside the new Cowboys stadium in his state-of-the-art laboratory something went wrong.  While chanting and swaying deep in a trance, Jones mixed up chemicals with rat tails, eye of newt, pig skin and witch hazel in a combined attempt to improve the Cowboys season and take over the world. Only he miscalculated and his spell backfired.  Why else would you have a blizzard in Dallas?  In DALLAS people.  You know I’m right.

And my last theory (which has been proven in football party after football party) is that queso dip is better with hot sausage.  Trust me and you won’t be sorry.  Fry up some hot sausage to include in your dip.  Just put Velveeta, Rotel and hot sausage in a crock pot a few hours before the game.  Oh and instead of tortilla chips use Super Scoop Fritos.  Once you try this you will believe not only that I am right about queso, but also that I am right about will.I.am/Mike Tomlin and Jerry Jones.

The link below is an absolutely perfect source for pre-Super Bowl planning.  Check it out – you won’t be sorry.  Enjoy the game and please do not look Jerry Jones directly in the eye.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/super-bowl-partyplanning-tips,8082/