It was announced today that the
U.S. military is ready for the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Ending this particularly stupid named
legislation would allow homosexuals to finally and fantastically serve openly
in the military. A rarely stated fact of
the 17-year-old law is that Peppermint Patty is the actual author of the
initial bill. Peppermint Patty really
thought she was fooling people when she starred in Peanuts. The very obvious closeted lesbian, who over
the top tried to hide her homosexuality with a nearly stalking and often
violent “crush” on Charlie “Chuck” Brown, had convinced herself that if nobody
asked she wouldn’t have to tell what she unsuccessfully hid from the
public.
The Birkenstock wearing Peppermint
Patty’s true passion was Marcie. Marcie
called her sir and followed her around, this led Peppermint Patty to believe
they were the same. True to her nature
and “tomboy” ways, she loved uniforms.
Peppermint Patty spent hours imagining Marcie in military uniforms. Her favorite was the Navy Admiral
uniform. When Marcie never returned her
affections or even dressed up for her in a uniform when they went to the
military surplus store, Peppermint Patty grew sullen. As she aged, she secretly fought against
gay-rights. She eventually went on to
become a lobbyist and under the guise of gay-rights wrote the guidelines for
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and moved them up the ranks to congress. She eventually went on to take over the body
of Chastity now Chaz Bono and is starring on Dancing with the Stars. She is
happy with herself now and pleased with the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
