I Broke My Ass and Tasty Rump Roast

I’ve been playing Skyrim so much that it is becoming almost like a job.  I have a large to-do list in the game.  I feel obligated.  I keep getting all these other missions added as I try to complete something.  It is stressful.  Thankfully, I did find King Olaf’s Verse last night.  I also acquired a dog that follows me around and attacks things for me.  If you don’t play…just ignore this nerd moment.  At any rate, I also have not been feeling very good for several days.  Additionally, my dog Harpo is a complete moron. These three factors converged in a bad way last night.

I decided last night that I needed to go to bed early instead of staying up really late engrossed in Skyrim.  So, what did I do?  I took Nyquil at 10:00pm and then ended up in Skyrim until around 1:00am.  By the time I headed to bed, I was completely Nyquil drunk.  The dogs always have to go out before bed.  I took the girls out first.  No problems.  I took the boys out next.  Problems.  I leashed up Harpo and decided I would text Tiffany at work while he peed.  I wanted her to know I now had a dog in Skyrim.  I knew she’d find it funny.  Out I go with the dogs, phone in one hand and leash in the other hand.  Harpo immediately sees “something” and tears out really fast to the yard.  This causes my foot to slip and me to fall down and crash into the potted plants on the porch.  The fall continued as I tumbled down the stairs and violently threw my phone on the sidewalk.  Once the dust settled, Harpo was completely unawares running in the yard and I felt like I broke my ass.  (This reminds me of a joke I like:  I say, “if you could fix anything about yourself what would it be?”  You say, “blah blah blah.”  Then, I say, “well…you better fix your ass because it has a crack in it.”) 

During the fall, I completely avoided falling on my face in favor of falling on my ass.  I have an extreme fear of knocking my teeth out.  My teeth were, thankfully, fine, I can’t say the same for my phone.  My next fear after knocking my teeth out would be cracking my phone.  My phone is like a body part to me…an important body part, not something like the spleen or back fat.  My phone’s screen now has a giant spider-web crack across the front.  I’m inconsolable.  That being said, I do have insurance on my phone.  There was a horrible phone/hot tub incident in my past that prompted Tiffany to purchase the insurance.  I’ll be getting a new phone.   My old phone still works, but why have insurance if you can’t get a new phone when you crack your ass and phone at the same time.

TRAGEDY!!! You may sing the Bee Gees now.

All this ass talk reminds me of a really really easy and very tasty way to make rump roast.  All you need is a rump roast, crock pot, ½ cup warm water, package of ranch dressing mix, package of Italian dressing mix and package brown gravy mix.  Put roast in crock pot, mix all the dry ingredients together in a bowl, pour dry ingredients in crock pot and rub all over roast, add water and the cook on low for 10 hours.  This roast is so good you’ll slap your ass and whistle Dixie.