The “True” History
Tuesday executive research team has uncovered evidence suggesting that Angelina
Jolie’s right leg was involved in the tumping over of the Costa Concordia
cruise ship. Obviously, the entire
capsizing was a complete accident, but evidence suggests that the slight hip
movement and jetting out of said leg in a dramatic stance caused a hacky-sack-like
kick to the ship’s hull. The accident occurred
during fittings of the Versace dress that Jolie ultimately wore to the 84th
Annual Academy Awards. Evidence also
suggests that the kick would have had nothing to do with the capsizing and had
more of a heavy-winds-type of effect on the ship, if it weren’t for the moronic
actions of the ship’s captain, Francesco Schettino. The moronic actions include traveling too
fast in shallow waters, being too close to the rocky shoreline and being
distracted on the bridge by a 25-year-old Moldovan dancer.
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