My Mom's Birthday, Flaming Dessert and a Baby Elephant

Today is my mom’s birthday and tomorrow two of our very best friends are having their three-year anniversary.  I called my mom today and sang to her.  I’m going to see her in a few days and told her we were taking her to lunch and I was building her a box garden.  Every since I told her I made my box gardens, she has wanted one.  She doesn’t quite get the concept, but still wants one.  I intend to make that dream a reality. She also kept saying, "Don’t buy me anything!”  “You don’t need to buy me lunch!”  Tiffany finally said, “Fine…we’ll get you a Happy Meal at McDonald’s.”  Mom seemed excited about that and said, “I haven’t had McDonald’s in a long time!”  I let her know that we planned to spend more than two dollars on her and she needed to just shut her pie hole and enjoy the extravaganza.  She just laughed and said, “You don’t need to buy me anything.”  There is no sense in telling her to shut it because she isn’t going to shut it and you’re just going to get caught in a series of Amyisms and circular reasoning.  I finally just said, “We’ll just knock you on the head, put you in the trunk and take you to lunch so you might as well just go quietly so I don’t have to spend extra money cleaning blood out of the trunk.”  She laughed and said, “Don’t spend any money on me for my birthday.”  Sheesh!!

Tomorrow, I’m making a flaming dessert.  It seemed appropriate for the anniversary of our gay friends.  I’m attempting to make flaming bourbon bread pudding.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  My mind is telling me that I will burn my face off which will cause me to drop the hot, flaming bourbon in the saucepan on one of the dogs.  The dog's hair will then catch on fire.  We’ll all rush to put out the fire on the dog.  The dog will be fine, but my face, that is still on fire, will touch the drapes creating a massive fireball that will consume the house.  We’ll all get out safely, but Tiffany will look at me and say, “Nice.”

I had a dream last night that I had a baby elephant in the house.  I’m not sure what that means.  The dream was super detailed.  Elephants worldwide had come down with a virus that caused them to be extra violent.  Many elephants died from the virus and from humans shooting them to protect themselves.  I found a baby elephant behind the dumpster at the grocery store.  He seemed fine and I was worried about him, so I took him home.  He slept in the bed with us and all the dogs.  Tiffany wasn’t happy.  The elephant followed me around.  I woke up after the dream and had to remember elephants didn’t have a violent virus and I didn’t have a baby elephant to walk that morning.

Freaky Friday Favorites

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The 35th Anniversary of Elvis Presley's Death

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Today is the 35^th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death.  I wrote about the 34^th anniversary last year (click here to read).  You can pretty much bet that each year I will remember Elvis on this day so just deal with it.  I’m spending the day cleaning, swiveling my hips and listening to my Elvis radio station on Pandora.  I think that is what he would have wanted.  I’m also eating a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch.  

Elvis’ Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich

Ingredients

1 small ripe banana

2 slices white bread

3 tablespoons peanut butter

2 tablespoons butter

Preparation

In a small bowl, mash the banana with the back of a spoon.  Toast the bread lightly.  Spread the peanut butter on one piece of toast and the mashed banana on the other.  Fry the sandwich in melted butter until each side is golden brown.

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Copy Cat In-N-Out Burger - WTF and WOW Recipe Wednesday

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Copy Cat In-N-Out Burger

Ingredients – Special Sauce

½ cup mayonnaise

2 Tbsp ketchup

1 Tbsp white vinegar

2 tsp sugar

2 tsp sweet pickle relish

2 tsp onion finely minced

Ingredients – Burger

Hamburger buns

Grilled hamburger patties

American sliced cheese (optional)

Lettuce

Tomato, sliced

Onion, finely sliced

Preparation

Stir sauce ingredients together until well combined.  For the bun, butter both sides and toast it until butter melts and edges get a little crispy.  Smother some sauce on bottom bun.  Put on tomato slice.  Place lettuce on top of the tomato.  Place patty on top of lettuce.  Top the patty with onion and a little more sauce.  Place on the bun and dig in!

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Stupid People Are So Stupid

I’m tired of dealing with stupid people.  I realize that will never change because you really can’t avoid them at all.  They are everywhere and multiplying.  I think everyone is really focused on the zombie apocalypse when we have a stupid people apocalypse going on right here, right now.  I think, too that it isn’t just a stupid people apocalypse, but also an inconsiderate, unprofessional and dishonest people apocalypse.  I like to see the good in people and give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes you just want to smack them right in the face.  I think, instead of violence, I’ll just look to a change in the areas where I most encounter these mini apocalypses or is it apocaylie.  It will just make my life a little better before the actual end of the world on December 21…thanks a lot, Mayans.

Doomsday Stew

Ingredients

1 large dried ancho chile, stemmed, seeded and torn into pieces

½ teaspoon hot pepper flakes

¾ cup boiling water

½ medium onion, quartered

2 garlic cloves, chopped

½ teaspoon ground cumin

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 can black bean soup (18 to 19 ounces)

1 can white hominy, rinsed and drained

1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

Preparation

Place the dried chile and hot pepper flakes into a blender along with the boiling water.  Wait 10 minutes and then add the onion, garlic and cumin and blend until smooth.

Place the oil in a medium-sized pot over medium heat.  Once oil begins to shimmer, carefully add the puree, as it will splatter, and cook, stirring frequently for 4 minutes.

Stir in the black bean soup and the hominy to the chile mixture and cook for 5 minutes.

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Franks Red Hot Buffalo Chicken Dip and Hormonal Parrots

The birds, Murphy and Melvin are currently hormonal.  Birds go through this phase once a year.  They become completely sex starved and are consumed with the thought of mating.  Their horny state makes them really angry.  Right now, the bird room reminds me of a Mexican soap opera with the constant screaming and high drama.  One morning, when I worked full time, I had an early board meeting to attend.  The birds were in this hormonal state at the time and I let them out of their cages while I showered for work.  When I got out, I walked by the cage and made a kissing sound at Melvin.  He flew at my face and bit my lip.  It was hilariously scary.  It was almost like getting your face pulled off by an angry monkey, only my face was fine and Melvin is a Dusky Pionus Parrot.  Anyway, I attended that meeting with a fat lip and bird bite wound that sort of resembled a herpetic fever blister.  Ever since then, I keep my distance when the birds are in this state. 

I like to try different variations of dip recipes.  I just made this Buffalo Chicken Dip recipe.  It was quite good.  As much as I wanted Fritos Scoops with the dip, I was good and used cucumber slices instead. 

Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Chicken Dip

Ingredients

8 oz package cream cheese, softened

½ cup blue cheese or ranch salad dressing

½ cup Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce

½ cup crumbled blue cheese or shredded mozzarella cheese

2 can (12.5 oz each) White Premium Chunk Chicken Breast in water, drained or cut up half of a rotisserie chicken

Preparation

Heat oven to 350 degrees.  In a bowl, cut up cream cheese and stir until smooth.  Mix in salad dressing, Frank’s Red Hot Sauce and cheese.  Stir in chicken.  Put in baking dish and bake for 20 or 30 minutes until mixture is heated through; stir.  Garnish with crackers, vegetables or chips.

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Malibu Rum Strawberry Breeze and I Should be a Doctor

I’m pretty sure I missed a good chance to be a doctor.  This patient went to the doctor with the presenting symptoms of an extreme headache and fatigue.  I’m no expert, but I think I know what the actual diagnosis might be. 

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Look at this drink recipe!  YUM!!!

Strawberry Breeze Caipirinha

Muddled strawberries

Limes

Simple syrup

Malibu Rum

Top with ginger ale

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