Naked Bird

Occasionally, I let the birds (Murphy and Melvin) run around on our bed.  Murphy is slightly neurotic and has plucked out nearly all his feathers.  I think he is adorable and proof that dinosaurs were actually birds.  Melvin mostly tolerates Murphy and thinks of him as his baby.  You’ll notice Melvin perched himself on the blanket like a nest.  Murphy adores Melvin and follows him around and tries to pluck him.  In addition to being neurotic, Murphy is also co-dependent.  Sometimes Melvin takes off to fly and Murphy tries to follow him.  Because Murphy doesn’t have feathers, he falls like a stone.  The dogs chase Melvin and try to eat him.  They could easily catch Murphy while on the floor.  None of the dogs ever touch Murphy.  They seem scared of his nakedness.   I wish I had bionic sound effects for Murphy.  Did I mention I adore him?

Source

Murphy isn’t yellow, but he is naked.  You should try this aptly named cocktail.  Enjoy

Naked Yellow Bird

Ingredients
1 part vodka
1 part raspberry liqueur (raspberry is a fun word to say)
1 part Blue Curacao liqueur
1 part sweet and sour mix

Preparation
Mix equal parts over ice.  Shake, strain and serve.

Recipe Source

Murphy's Laws of Golf

This is my bird Murphy.  He plucks his feathers, but he still tries to fly.  When he tries to fly, he falls to the ground.  He is accident prone.  Below are Murphy's Laws on my golf game.

Law #1 - If on the green and putting, the ball will normally first go rapidly past the hole.  And when putting again the ball will go past the hole again only not as fast as the first putt.  The arrows indicate the action of the ball.

Law #2 - If at any point balls are being held, nonstop references about balls will ensue.  Examples include: "My balls are dirty";  "Where are my balls?";  "Can I borrow one of your balls?";  "You hit my ball.";  "I can't find my ball.";  "You need to wash your balls.";  etc and on and on.

Law #3 - No matter where or when you play golf, you will end up behind the slowest damn players in the history of the game of golf.

Law #4 - If there is a hazard anywhere on the fairway that is where my ball (refer to Law #2) will invariably always land.

Law #5 - If the green is on top of a hill (circle denotes flag) the ball will land on the green yet continue to roll until it rolls completely down the other side of the hill.  The same process is often repeated on the next hit and often ends up exactly where you started on the first approach shot toward the green.

Law #6 - If you are aiming for the middle of the fairway, your ball (refer to Law #2) will land in the trees on either side of the fairway.  Arrows denote the potential areas you'll have to search.

Refer to Law #4 and Law #6 and Refer to Law #2 about lost balls.

And those are Murphy's Law of Golf.

Murphy - The Extra Terrestrial Bird

For the record, you can really find some interesting stuff when you go looking on the internettes.

I clicked on the TV this morning and found E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial on HBO.  Naturally, after watching the movie for the 300^th time, I am emotionally spent.  I barely have the energy to write today.  I love that damn little alien.  I think the reason why is because he reminds me so much of my adorable bird, Murphy.  Ironically, when first meeting Murphy, most people even have the exact same reaction that Drew Barrymore had when she first met E.T.

Now Murphy can’t bring plants back to life, make me fly around when I’m on my stationary bike or light up his toe so I can find the remote control in the dark.  He won’t ever ask to phone home for a big alien ship to pick him up. Government officials won’t show up in astronaut suits to seal off our house with ridiculously long, yet cool, giant dryer hoses.  No, we just get to hang out, eat peanuts together and watch crazy crap like that unfold on TV.  So sure, he looks like an alien.  Yes, he is completely crazy.  But he’s my sweet little extra-terrestrial bird and I love him.   

Taking Care of the Birdy Business

I have three birds.  I am convinced that there is no pet that you can own that is messier than a bird.  Well I guess maybe a monkey throwing poop before he rips your head off might be messier…but those are isolated incidents.  Birds are consistently messy.  Even after you’ve cleaned the cages they still look dirty.  But don’t get me wrong, I love my birds.  Murphy is the oldest.  He is a Bronze Wing Pionus and a feather plucker.  He’s got a little touch of OCD.  We’ve tried collars and Prozac, but for him we think it is best to let him enjoy his nudist lifestyle.  He loves to make his cage even messier by soaking all of his food.  What he doesn’t eat, he throws around his cage. He came to us knowing one word…asshole.  Every time he meets someone new, he likes to get close to them and menacingly whisper “asshole.”  I think he is adorable.  Then we have Melvin.  He is a Dusky Pionus.  His favorite things to do are screaming early in the morning and whistling the Andy Griffith theme…over and over again.  The back of his head is bald where Murphy has over groomed him the way he likes.  Then there is Erlenmeyer (yes like the flask).  He is a parakeet.  He used to live in my office, but unfortunately he got laid off with me.  He is currently molting which adds the aspect of tiny down feathers floating all around our house. 

They have their own room which we also use as an office.  Sometimes they take off and fly…well Melvin and Erlenmeyer do anyway, Murphy just falls like a stone.  When they take off it causes a chain reaction of pandemonium.  There is a lot of human screaming, feather flapping (except for Murphy, of course) and frantic dog movement with an emphasis on toenails trying to grasp the wood floor.  We’ve gotten pretty good and handling these situations and also have noticed that the birds appear to do it for fun.  An amusing thing is the dogs NEVER bother Murphy when this happens.  They have no idea what to make of his lack of feathers.  All four stop immediately in their tracks with a look of fear and disgust akin to shaking a cross made of garlic at an immortal.  Perhaps Murphy is so intelligent that he has actually created the ultimate defense mechanism.  He is adorable and smart.  Murphy and Melvin LOVE french fries and showers with me.  Erlenmeyer LOVES throwing grit everywhere in a frenzy and Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust.  He stops whatever he is doing, jumps on his swing and swings and chirps loudly to the beat.  He is very serious about that song. 

Birds are messy, entertaining and well worth the effort.