As Good As It Got

It is amazing how much an alarm clock can scare you if you haven’t used one in nearly six months.  I had a dentist appointment yesterday at 9:00am.  So I had to get up early to walk the dogs and get ready.  I’m not going to the dentist without my lipstick, pearls and Aqua Net precise hair. When the alarm went off, I jumped up ready to ward off an attack.  Naturally, the dogs went flying before engaging in a complete barking frenzy.  I appreciate how much they had my back during this emergency.  As I ran around the bedroom looking for my clothes and a weapon, I noticed Tiffany sitting up in bed staring at me.  The best way I can describe the look is to imagine the looks that Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt) gave Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson) when he said something really insulting or crazy in As Good As It Gets.  Well that kind of look will stop you in your tracks.  That of course, gave me time to think and remember that I had actually caused this alarm and it was to wake me up.  By this time, Tiffany had lay back down to resume sleeping.  We’ve been together nearly sixteen years, so when things such as this happen, no words need to be exchanged…we just know.

I set the alarm again this morning.  We have another estimate for new windows that we can’t afford.  The alarm was an exact repeat of yesterday’s performance…only Tiffany didn’t even wake up to look at me.  I figured it out on my own!  That is progress.  Pavlov was right!

Chilean Butternut Squash Casserole, I Found A Chilean Miner While Organizing the Basement

After spending entirely too much time watching Alpaca videos on You Tube, I decided to organize our holiday decorations.  We keep all the holiday stuff in the basement.  By the way, typing holiday twice inspired me to get up and sing Madonna’s Holiday.  Naturally, I included the dance moves from the video with my singing.  The dogs seemed impressed. 

Madonna moment over…I’m back now.  As I started on the decorations in the basement, I heard some weird rustling.  I figured it was nothing and pulled out a wreath that had become entangled in a skeleton with a jack-o-lantern head.  As I continued working I heard the sound again.  This time I stared at the decorations hoping to catch a glimpse of what was causing the rustling.  It was then that I noticed the Chilean miner.  You can imagine my surprise!  There’s just no holiday that I can put a Chilean miner out on display in the yard.  He’s cute, but I can’t keep him.  Please let me know if you are aware of a hotline or something I can call to come pick him up.  He’s hiding again, but I know he’s still there.  I’ll put out some water and empanadas and see if I can’t live trap him.  Poor thing.

Chilean Butternut Squash Casserole (www.food.com) 

Ingredients

1 large butternut squash

1 cup chopped onion

2-3 cloves garlic, crushed

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon chili powder

1-2 dash cayenne pepper

1 red bell pepper, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

1 teaspoon salt

4 eggs, beaten

2 cups corn kernels (fresh or frozen)

2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese

Preparation

Cut squash in half lengthwise and scoop out seeds.  Bake cut sides down at 425 degrees for 45-50 minutes or until very soft at thick end.  Let squash cool and scrape out of the shell; mash as smoothly as you can.  Meanwhile, sauté onion, garlic and spices in olive oil until onion is translucent.  Add peppers and salt, stir, cover and leave on low heat for 5 minutes.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Stir beaten eggs into mashed squash.  Add corn, sauted veggies and grated cheddar; stir to mix well.  Bake 20 minutes covered; uncover and bake another 20-30 minutes.

Duran Duran and “True” History Tuesday – The Macy’s Day Parade

Duran Duran was awesome last night.  I apologize for the video quality, but I think you can tell that the “Fab Five” still got it.  BTW the lady with the rocking out hands got those hands in nearly every one of my photos. My only complaint would be with their promoters and the ticket brokers who unnecessarily jacked up the prices to a general admission event.  Those leeches can take a flying leap. Leeches can fly and leap, right? 

The “True” History of the Macy’s Day Parade

Everyone knows that the annual Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade was started in 1924 by Macy’s Department Store.  And that in 1927, Felix the Cat was the first giant ass balloon to be used in the parade…thus marking the tradition of always having giant ass balloons in the Macy’s Day Parade.  What you don’t know is how the balloon tradition actually got started. 

Before the parade became a reality, Macy’s was trying lots of different things to drum up business.  They even, at one time, tried using drums.  In 1923, Macy’s hired a clown named Mr. Whipple.  Mr. Whipple had gotten fired from his other job for squeezing the Charmin so he took up clowning.  His schtick was blowing up balloons to look like toilet paper.  He had a weird toilet paper fetish…but that is a “true” story for another day.  All the other clowns were making animals, hats and swords and the kids were flocking to them.  Those clowns were funny and zany. Kids just didn’t seem interested in toilet-paper looking balloons or Mr. Whipple’s bland personality.  He was always yelling at the kids about squeezing the Charmin-looking balloons while he was squeezing the Charmin-looking balloons.  He was a moron. 

Macy’s management approached him one day and said, “Stop squeezing your balloons.  The sound is awful and you are scaring the children.  If you don’t step it up, you’re fired fo shizzle.”  Mr. Whipple didn’t want to lose his job.  So he drank a Red Bull and decided to rev up his schtick.  He decided bigger was going to be better.  He started working out like Rocky and David Blaine.  He drank raw eggs and held his breath for lots of minutes.  His training enabled him to blow up his toilet-paper looking balloons to enormous sizes.  Kids began flocking to him.  Management was impressed.

Mr. Whipple became wildly popular.  Sadly, he died in 1926 of a ruptured lung.  To honor him, Macy’s started using giant ass balloons in their parade.  His memory will live on each time we see the parade or squeeze some Charmin.

Careless Memories of Duran Duran

We might be the most excited two people on Planet Earth.  We are seeing Duran Duran live tonight!  The only way we might be more excited is if we were seeing those Wild Boys in Rio.  I was absolutely Notorious in middle school for my dancing Reflex every time I heard their music.  You’d think I joined a New Religion.  Everyone hoped I’d Say a Prayer for them so they could one day dance like me.  I just had My Own Way of breaking it down…almost like Mikhail Baryshnikov meets Janet Jackson meets the cast of Breakin'. 

One time, in eighth grade, there was a New Moon on Monday so I went out on a Night Boat with some new friends.  I was Hungry Like the Wolf so I brought a sandwich tray with me.  As we ate the sandwiches, we noticed the weather had changed and we were just hoping that we could Hold Back the Rain. Later that night someone put in a cassette tape of Duran Duran and I started popping and locking on the boat…I moved like it was a Union of the Snake.  One of my new friends ran up and said, “Hey what are you doing?”  Another new friend looked shocked and said, “Is There Something I Should Know about your amazing dancing style?” 

Well sadly, I had eaten too many sandwiches and when you eat too many sandwiches and pop and lock with vigor your pants can Come Undone.  The button flew off my pants and hit one of my new friend’s in the eye.  Turned out, it was the friend who owned the boat.  The new no longer friend looked at me with their one good eye…a single View to a Kill.  At that point our friendship had hit a Crack in the Pavement. Needless to say, I never hung out with those friends again.  Apparently, I was just too much for their Ordinary World.  These are the types of Careless Memories that make me love Duran Duran so much. 

Green Chili Burgers and Portabella Fries

First, if you don’t think this video is cute your soul is made of ice…get help.  Second, I really hate that Stella Artois commercial with Adrien Brody.  Third, southwest green chili burgers with portabella fries make for a really good dinner.

Southwest Green Chili Burgers (www.publix.com/aprons/meals/SimpleMeals.do)

Ingredients

1 ½ pounds chuck beef

½ teaspoon kosher salt

¼ teaspoon pepper

4 teaspoons canned chopped green chilies, drained

4 slices havarti cheese

1 (4.2 oz) southwest ranch salad kit

1 (8 oz) bag shredded lettuce

4 potato hamburger buns

Preparation

Preheat grill on medium high.  Divide meat, form 4 patties and season with salt and pepper.  Grill 3 to 4 minutes on each side.  During last minute of cook time, top each patty with 1 teaspoon chilies and 1 cheese slice.  Combine salad dressing and chips (from salad kit) with lettuce shreds.  Top burgers with lettuce mixture and serve!

Portabella Fries (www.publix.com/aprons/meals/SimpleMeals.do)

Ingredients

3 tablespoons canola oil, divided

12 oz sliced portabella mushrooms

2 eggs

1 ¼ cups Italian bread crumbs

¼ cup Parmesan cheese

Large zip-top bag

Preparation

Preheat oven to 425 and drizzle 1 tablepoon oil evenly over baking sheet.  Discard stems and gills (dark brown layers) from mushrooms.  Whisk eggs until frothy, place in shallow bowl.  Combine bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese in large zip-top bag.  Place 3-4 mushrooms into eggs, turning to coat both sides.  Toss mushrooms with bread crumbs until evenly coated;  place in single layer on baking sheet.  Repeat with remaining mushrooms.  Drizzle 2 tablespoons oil and bake for 10 minutes.  Turn mushrooms; bake another 5-7 more minutes or until mushrooms are tender and golden. 

Garden Update

If you remember some time back, I built a few garden boxes.  This was my first attempt at gardening ever.  Other than some corn, I attempted to grow when I was seven.  On a shopping trip to T.G. & Y., unbeknownst to anyone, I bought some seeds. Once we got home, I planted the corn in the back yard.  My organic corn plan, was not a hit with my mother.  She didn't seem to appreciate the large stalks growing in random places throughout the backyard.  At any rate, the corn didn’t make it to harvest. 

So far, I feel like my garden is progressing nicely.  The herbs have been no problem.  I’ve already been cooking with them. Fresh herbs are the best.  I’ve also already grown my own garlic.  Tiffany came home from work and the garlic smell in the house nearly knocked her over, but the taste is spectacular.  As for the garden boxes, I took some photos to track the progress.



My cherry tomato plant a.k.a. Jodie Foster.  If you look closely you can see three tomatoes!

Squash, zucchini and green peppers...grown from seeds. 

Strawberries!

A squirrel ate some of my strawberries.  I put this owl there to scare the shit out of that squirrel or any others who try to eat my strawberries.  I really like this owl.  I may take him around to places and take pictures of his travels.  Sort of like Flat Stanley...only not flat and an owl.

My tomato plants a.k.a. Mariska Hargitay (right) and Marg Helgenberger (left).

Harpo

 I got this sign at Urban Cottage (http://www.shopurbancottage.com/).  We love our weird neighborhood, so this sign seemed appropriate.



Freaky Friday Favorites

When I was little and would sit on my mom’s lap and squirm around too much, she would always say, “Stop squirming, you’re hurting my breadbasket.”  This basically meant simmer down you’re hurting my stomach. Another saying around that same time was, “She has a bun in the oven.”  This meant the she being referred to was pregnant.  So a baby was a bun and a stomach was a breadbasket…is it any freaking wonder I’m addicted to carbs.   That being said, I’m going to go make some biscuits while you enjoy some Freaky Friday Favorites.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!

Wrong Number

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