Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Duran Duran and “True” History Tuesday – The Macy’s Day Parade

Duran Duran was awesome last night.  I apologize for the video quality, but I think you can tell that the “Fab Five” still got it.  BTW the lady with the rocking out hands got those hands in nearly every one of my photos. My only complaint would be with their promoters and the ticket brokers who unnecessarily jacked up the prices to a general admission event.  Those leeches can take a flying leap. Leeches can fly and leap, right? 

The “True” History of the Macy’s Day Parade
Everyone knows that the annual Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade was started in 1924 by Macy’s Department Store.  And that in 1927, Felix the Cat was the first giant ass balloon to be used in the parade…thus marking the tradition of always having giant ass balloons in the Macy’s Day Parade.  What you don’t know is how the balloon tradition actually got started. 
Before the parade became a reality, Macy’s was trying lots of different things to drum up business.  They even, at one time, tried using drums.  In 1923, Macy’s hired a clown named Mr. Whipple.  Mr. Whipple had gotten fired from his other job for squeezing the Charmin so he took up clowning.  His schtick was blowing up balloons to look like toilet paper.  He had a weird toilet paper fetish…but that is a “true” story for another day.  All the other clowns were making animals, hats and swords and the kids were flocking to them.  Those clowns were funny and zany. Kids just didn’t seem interested in toilet-paper looking balloons or Mr. Whipple’s bland personality.  He was always yelling at the kids about squeezing the Charmin-looking balloons while he was squeezing the Charmin-looking balloons.  He was a moron. 

Macy’s management approached him one day and said, “Stop squeezing your balloons.  The sound is awful and you are scaring the children.  If you don’t step it up, you’re fired fo shizzle.”  Mr. Whipple didn’t want to lose his job.  So he drank a Red Bull and decided to rev up his schtick.  He decided bigger was going to be better.  He started working out like Rocky and David Blaine.  He drank raw eggs and held his breath for lots of minutes.  His training enabled him to blow up his toilet-paper looking balloons to enormous sizes.  Kids began flocking to him.  Management was impressed.
Mr. Whipple became wildly popular.  Sadly, he died in 1926 of a ruptured lung.  To honor him, Macy’s started using giant ass balloons in their parade.  His memory will live on each time we see the parade or squeeze some Charmin.

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