There is obviously
some really bizarre stuff going on in Florida and I’m not talking about Jeb
Bush.At this point, nearly everyone has
heard about a naked Rudy Eugene chewing off the face of a homeless man near a
Florida highway and subsequently getting shot by police when he wouldn't stop the
face chewing.But did you also know that
Haz Mat teams have been called to several places in Florida regarding a “mysterious”
substance and that another man was charged with felony battery charges for
spitting blood in a policeman’s face.But don’t just think this all a Florida issue.In Hackensack, New Jersey, Wayne Carter
stabbed himself, cut out his own intestines and then threw them at police.A lot of people are placing the blame on the
expected and anticipated Zombie Apocalypse.Now don’t get me wrong…I’m prepared for the zombies, but I think these
recent events are more easily explained.I think people are finally losing their minds over the stupidity of the
Bachelor and Bachelorette shows on ABC.The show’s host, Chris Harrison, finally just said, “the most shocking
what the whatever,” one too many times.
To
make the cupcakes, preheat the oven to 350°. Line two cupcake pans with paper
liners.
In a medium bowl, sift together the cake
flour, baking powder and salt. In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the
butter and sugar together on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2
minutes. Beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well and scraping down the
sides of the bowl after each addition. Add the vanilla extract and mix well to
combine. Add in the dry ingredients alternately with the milk, beginning and
ending with the dry ingredients. Stir until just combined.
Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake
liners, filling them about 2/3-3/4 full. Bake until golden and a toothpick
inserted in the center comes out clean, about 18 to 22 minutes. Remove from the
oven and allow to cool for 5 minutes in the pans. Transfer to wire racks to
cool completely.
To make the apple filling, heat the butter a
medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add the cinnamon and sugar and cook for a
minute, until the mixture begins to bubble. Lower the heat to medium and stir
in the apples. Mix well. Cook until the apples are somewhat tender, about 10
minutes. Remove from heat and let cool.
While the apple mixture is cooling, use the
cone method to remove a chunk from the center of each cupcake, making sure to
leave a rim around the top of the cupcake. Fill the holes with the cooled apple
mixture. To decorate, top each cupcake with a swirl of vanilla buttercream.
Happy Memorial
Day!!I decided today, of course, I would
cook out, spend the day in the sun and drink, but that I would also tune in to
the History Channel to watch programming honoring those who have served our
country in battle.Sadly, I discovered
that the History Channel had opted to show a Pawn Stars marathon.I’m not sure why the History Channel would
chose to ignore a day that could have been a good teaching opportunity…but, I
suppose, I will just have to further lower my programming expectations for that
channel.Thankfully, the History Channel
2 is showing WWII and then the Vietnam War in HD all day.I’ll keep my channel tuned to that instead
of Pawn Stars.
I spent the morning
gardening.Part of my cookout later will
include fish tacos.I’m not in any way a
fan of guacamole.It is purely a texture
thing with me, but Tiffany loves it.It
isn’t fair for me to deny her guacamole so I made some earlier.The beauty of making it (aside from the gag
reflex of removing the “meat” from the avacado) was that I got to use an
onion and a tomato from my own garden.I
used to think people were crazy when they said, “food you make just tastes
better,” but truly it does.I tried the
tomato and onion prior to combining them with the avocado.They were delicious!!I took up gardening to keep myself busy after
getting laid off and now it is a legitimate way for me to provide fresh food for
my family.Here’s a look at what my
garden yielded this morning, plus the way I prepared Tiff’s guacamole.
Potatoes!!!
This is the first pepper from one of my red pepper plants. I used red peppers all the time. I'm anxiously awaiting for this pepper to turn red!
Super Easy Guacamole Ingredients
2 Avocados 1/2 onion, chopped 2 tablespoons of parsley, chopped 1 tablepoons fresh lime or lemon juice salt and pepper to taste 1/2 ripe tomato, pulp removed and chopped
Preparation Cut avocados in half and scoop avocado from peel. Save the seeds if you'd like to try to grow an avocado tree. See picture below to see how to start it. Leave the seed end in the water for three to six weeks prior to planting. I'll keep you posted as to how my avocado tree project is coming along. Use a fork to mash avocado. Add onion, parsley, lime or lemon juice, salt and pepper and tomato. Combine completely with fork. Cover with plastic wrap completely to prevent oxidation from air reaching guac and place in the fridge until ready to serve.
I want a farm. Nearly every summer, when I was a kid, we would
visit my Mom’s parents for a week.They
were pig farmers.I was always
fascinated by their way of life.Particularly interested in the facts that lunch was called dinner and
that it always involved fried chicken (killed personally by my Grandma), you only
“went into town” twice a month, my Grandma had kittens living under her house and that my Grandpa used a spittoon in the
living room and drank moonshine “secretly” in his tool shed.The desire to have a farm somewhat died in me
for a number of years (when I was working full-time or rather all-the-time),
but now it is back in full-force.My
partner is behind this idea and even seems pretty adamant about us raising
Alpaca, too.Who knows if this will
ever happen, but it seems logical that one day we could be the lesbian Fabulous Beekman Boys...only not boys.Until that time, in honor
of my Grandma Wall (her first name was Clover…for real), I made fried chicken
last night.It was delicious. I should have made it for lunch which would be called dinner instead of lunch.This isn’t her recipe, but it is Martha
Stewart’s…sorry to say Martha, but my Grandma Clover’s chicken was better.I would suggest trying this recipe though
because it was pretty freaking good nonetheless.
I’m pretty sure your
Memorial Day cookout plans will be incomplete if you don’t make these Patriotic
Jell-O shots.
Patriotic Jell-O Shots
Ingredients
Red Layer
1 pack red raspberry Jell-O
1 ½ cups water
½ cup Pomegranate
Vodka
White Layer
1 can Sweetened
Condensed Milk
2 cups water
2 packs Knox Gelatin
Blue Layer
1 pack berry blue Jell-O
1 ½ cups water
½ cup Blue Curacao
Preparation
Red Layer:Boil 1 cup water.Add the Jell-O to the boiling water, stir
until dissolved.Mix the vodka with ½ cup
cold water, stir slightly.Wait for the Jell-O
mixture to cool slightly, and then stir in the cold water and vodka
mixture.Pour into 1 oz Jell shot cups
(portion cups or Dixie cups will do), about 1/3 the way full.Chill in the fridge.
White Layer:Boil 1 cup water, mix in the milk, and then
set aside.Sprinkle the gelatin over ½ cup
cold water, let stand for a few minutes.Boil ½ cup water, and then blend into the gelatin mixture.Stir until dissolved.Blend the milk and gelatin mixtures and let
cool to room temp.Once the red layer
has set, carefully pour this onto the shot for another 1/3 height.Place in the fridge.
Blue Layer:Boil 1 cup water.Add the Jell-O to the boiling water, stir
until dissolved.Mix the Curacao with ½ cup
cold water, stir slightly.Wait for the Jell-O
mixture to cool slightly, and then stir in the cold water and Curacao
mixture.Once the previous layers have
set add and this mixture cools a bit, pour on top of the other layers about 1/3
height or until the top of the shot is reached. Chill in the fridge until ready to serve.
Am I the only one who
is really sick of the latest series of no smoking commercials?I stopped smoking 15 years ago, but those
damn commercials make me want to smoke a pack-a-day just to kill the pain.The message is certainly compelling, but must
we air the commercials on every channel 50 times a day?I’ll admit initially it was fun to imitate
the ads, but even the joy has gone out of that.That is when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.
Another commercial
that really chaps my ass is the Lipton Honey and Tea ad featuring Lady
Antebellum.I mean really…REALLY?It is just all-around stupid, but I think
what really bothers me is not when Hillary Scott throws down packets of the tea
to random people having a picnic or even the impromptu concert on the top of a
table…no, what really bothers me is that you hear drums, yet there is nobody
playing the drums.WTF, LIPTON?! DO YOU
THINK WE ARE STUPID? The entire commercial might have been believable if a
drummer had actually set up their drum set in the hot sun prior to the free
picnic table performance.Jeez. The only
thing this commercial makes me want to do is add vodka to the Lipton Honey and
Tea packets and drink myself into a rabid stupor.The only way this ad could be less stupid is
if Terrie from the No Smoking commercial climbed up on the table and sang with
Lady Antebellum.
1 can (16.3 oz) Grands
Flaky Layers refrigerated biscuits
1 can (21 oz) apple,
blueberry or cherry pie filling
Whipping cream
Cinnamon-sugar
Preparation
Heat oven to 350
degrees.In a medium bowl, mix flour,
brown sugar and cinnamon.With pastry
blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture looks like coarse crumbs.Stir in nuts.
Separate dough into 8
biscuits.Split each biscuit in half to
make 16 rounds.With floured fingers,
flatten each to form 4-inch round.Press
each biscuit round in ungreased muffin cup pan.Spoon 2 tablespoons pie filling into each biscuit-lined cup.Sprinkle each with about 2 tablespoons flour
mixture (cups will be full).
Bake 15 to 22 minutes
or until golden brown.Cool 5
minutes.Remove from muffin cups; place
on cooling rack.Cool 10 minutes.Top each serving with whipped cream; sprinkle
with cinnamon-sugar.
On this day in 1843,
around a thousand people (including children) in Elm Grove, Missouri got on
their covered wagons, horses, skateboards and DeLorean DMC-12s and headed west.The train was led by Diana Prince (a.k.a. Wonder
Woman) and Steve Austin (a.k.a. The Six Million Dollar Man) and consisted of
over 100 wagons, 5,000 herd cattle and one invisible airplane.
Prior to heading out,
the brave travelers had planned their journey by playing the online game Oregon
Trail.The settlers were unnecessarily
concerned about Indian attacks and believed they could protect themselves by
putting their wagons in two giant circles when sleeping.Wonder Woman and The Six Million Dollar Man
slept in the center of each circle because they were superheroes.Ultimately, the settlers learned that the
real threat was falling off horses, drowning in rivers, falling rocks, disease
and Bigfoot.Thankfully, Steve Austin
utilized his powerful bionic implants to personally take care of the Bigfoot
issue.
Surprisingly or not
really surprisingly because they had Wonder Woman and The Six Million Dollar
Man with them, nearly all the settlers arrived in western Oregon safe and
sound.There they prospered.Diana Prince and Steve Austin went on to have
lucrative careers in television.
It was odd taking the
weekend off from my blog.I kept
thinking I needed to write something and then remembered I was on “holiday.”It also kept us from having to pause from our
12-hour drive home to go to a McDonald’s, use their Wi-Fi and post my
blog.If you aren’t aware of this, every
McDonald’s is equipped with Wi-Fi.It is
good information to know if you are taking a road trip.In other news, my mom pronounces The Muppets
as The Moffets.This is a picture of my
mom and Tiffany at my nephew’s graduation.It should also be said that she had three granola bars, four peanut
butter and saltine crackers and a frozen sandwich in her purse to for a two
hour graduation ceremony.I suppose you
never know when you might get hungry.
A couple of really
funny things happened while we were visiting family and friends last week.One was when we were enjoying daiquiris my
sister was making with her new Ninja Blender.They
were delicious and perfectly strong.I
was cooking dinner, we were listening to classic rock and just overall having a
good time.I did my rendition of Brian
Johnson from AC/DC singing Back in Black.I’ve worked on it over the years.I think it is pretty spot-on and I’m proud of my imitation.Anyway, Maria Muldaur’s Midnight at the Oasis
came on next.We all cheered because who
doesn’t like a cheesy 1970s song?I
started singing and got to the part where Muldaur mentions sending her camel to
bed.This started a lively discussion
about the sleep patterns of camels.Do
you read it stories, does it need warm milk and can a camel sleep soundly with
the impediment of a hump or humps?My sister finally
exclaimed, “Wouldn’t a camel just send itself to bed? This makes no sense! Why would anyone send their camel to bed?!”Her boyfriend, Bo, said, “Well…it is the
Oasis and it is midnight.The camel was
tired.”We all cracked up, the blender
was fired up again and our daiquiris were re-filled.It was a good time!On a side note – a brief read of all the lyrics
for Midnight at the Oasis will show that sending your camel to bed is perhaps
the least weird thing about this song and that the author was more than likely
completely high while writing the song
Midnight at the
oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads
Heaven's holdin'
a half-moon
Shinin' just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
And kick up a little dust
Come on, Cactus
is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, 'til the evenin' ends
'Til the evenin' ends
You don't have to
answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, prancer
And you can be my sheik
[Instrumental
Interlude]
I know your
Daddy's a sultan
A nomad known to all
With fifty girls to attend him, they all send him
Jump at his beck and call
But you won't
need no harem, honey
When I'm by your side
And you won't need no camel, no no
When I take you for a ride
Come on, Cactus
is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, 'til the evenin' ends
'Til the evenin' ends
Midnight at the
oasis
Send your camel to bed
Got shadows paintin' our faces
And traces of romance in our heads
Oh, come on...
Another funny time was visiting one of my
friends.Her son likes science.I like science.So I usually try to bring an experiment of
some sort for him.This time I decided
we’d make a “bomb.”Time got away from
us throughout the course of the day and ultimately I didn’t get to make my “bomb”
until around 11:00pm.First rule of
thumb when making a “bomb” in a residential area = make it during the day and
not at night.I decided to test out my “bomb”
and make one before calling her son out to make his own.These “bombs” are quite easy to make.You need a 12 ounce empty bottle (I find
Dasani water bottles are the best), vinegar, baking soda, saran wrap and a hard
surface like the street.You just fill
the bottle about half-way with vinegar, put some baking soda in a small piece
of saran wrap, stuff the baking soda and saran wrap in the bottle, put the lid
back on, shake up and throw the bottle with violence and gusto into the street
(making sure to throw it down on one of the sides or bottom and not the top of
the bottle).My first “bomb” was a dud. My friends and Tiffany were basically paying
all this no attention.Second rule of
making a “bomb” = pay attention when someone says they are making a “bomb.”I loaded up my second “bomb” and headed to
the street.This one was not a dud.The super load BOOM caused porch lights to
flick on all down the street.Thankfully,
no car alarms went off…I’ve had that happen before.Third rule of making a “bomb” – stay away
from cars.My friend jumped up from her
porch swing and started running in small defensive circles on her porch.I calmly walked back to the porch.My plan was to act like one of the confused
neighbors trying to figure out what the loud BOOM was...history has taught me that blending can be the
best camouflage of wrong doing.Instead
my friend began waving and saying, “Sorry.Sorry.Sorry.”Once the excitement calmed down, we heard
police sirens.This started another
series of defensive porch laps.Thankfully,
the sirens were not for us.Fourth rule
of making a “bomb” – don’t be surprised when it sounds like a “bomb.”
This video will give you an idea of
the sound that rang through my friend’s neighborhood at 11:00pm.
I haven't really given myself any time off from blogging in 511 days. I decided that since my nephew is graduating from high school today that I would give myself the weekend. Which technically I haven't really done because I'm writing this right now, but you get the idea. I promise I'll be back on Monday to resume my regularly scheduled blogging. Cheers and have a good weekend!
