Saturday, August 18, 2012

My Mom's Birthday, Flaming Dessert and a Baby Elephant

Today is my mom’s birthday and tomorrow two of our very best friends are having their three-year anniversary.  I called my mom today and sang to her.  I’m going to see her in a few days and told her we were taking her to lunch and I was building her a box garden.  Every since I told her I made my box gardens, she has wanted one.  She doesn’t quite get the concept, but still wants one.  I intend to make that dream a reality. She also kept saying, "Don’t buy me anything!”  “You don’t need to buy me lunch!”  Tiffany finally said, “Fine…we’ll get you a Happy Meal at McDonald’s.”  Mom seemed excited about that and said, “I haven’t had McDonald’s in a long time!”  I let her know that we planned to spend more than two dollars on her and she needed to just shut her pie hole and enjoy the extravaganza.  She just laughed and said, “You don’t need to buy me anything.”  There is no sense in telling her to shut it because she isn’t going to shut it and you’re just going to get caught in a series of Amyisms and circular reasoning.  I finally just said, “We’ll just knock you on the head, put you in the trunk and take you to lunch so you might as well just go quietly so I don’t have to spend extra money cleaning blood out of the trunk.”  She laughed and said, “Don’t spend any money on me for my birthday.”  Sheesh!!

Tomorrow, I’m making a flaming dessert.  It seemed appropriate for the anniversary of our gay friends.  I’m attempting to make flaming bourbon bread pudding.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  My mind is telling me that I will burn my face off which will cause me to drop the hot, flaming bourbon in the saucepan on one of the dogs.  The dog's hair will then catch on fire.  We’ll all rush to put out the fire on the dog.  The dog will be fine, but my face, that is still on fire, will touch the drapes creating a massive fireball that will consume the house.  We’ll all get out safely, but Tiffany will look at me and say, “Nice.”

I had a dream last night that I had a baby elephant in the house.  I’m not sure what that means.  The dream was super detailed.  Elephants worldwide had come down with a virus that caused them to be extra violent.  Many elephants died from the virus and from humans shooting them to protect themselves.  I found a baby elephant behind the dumpster at the grocery store.  He seemed fine and I was worried about him, so I took him home.  He slept in the bed with us and all the dogs.  Tiffany wasn’t happy.  The elephant followed me around.  I woke up after the dream and had to remember elephants didn’t have a violent virus and I didn’t have a baby elephant to walk that morning.

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