Monday, February 21, 2011

A Swarm of Unchecked Star Wars Reckless Mercenaries

I have a bad feeling about this. It started with roguish blaster fire and has escalated to full blown scruffy-looking nerf herding (and I don’t mean the punk geek rock band from the 1990’s). You can spot them when the lights are suddenly turned on in a darkened room.  Unbelievably, it has now gotten to the point that the damn things don’t even care if it is light or dark or if the room is occupied or empty.  They are brazen and I fear multiplying.  Experts say it starts with a few and left unchecked can turn to millions.  You can hear them scurrying.  You can hear them smuggling. I don’t know how this happened, but I feel certain that I have a full-blown infestation of Han Solos. 

Here I caught a 1980 Bespin Han Solo trying to get in the window.

Although prized and adorable, it is still scary to find a 1977 original Han Solo creeping out from under your TV stand.
That’s right.  I have an influx of according to wookieepedia “one of the best smugglers in the galaxy.”  Oh sure, I know you are thinking lucky me, how cool, thank God it isn’t Jabba the Hutt or God forbid Jar Jar Binks…but no it isn’t all it is cracked up to be.  In these huge numbers, he is dangerous and downright annoying.

Amazingly, I caught this 1997 unnecessarily buff Han Solo running away after I caught him trying to climb in the toilet.  I assume he was attempting to hydrate.

Here is another 1997 gratuitously muscular Han Solo in Endor gear hiding in my romaine lettuce. 
Now don’t get me wrong a few of them…that’s a good thing.  Who, in moderation, doesn’t enjoy their wit and swagger? Too many, however just leads to trouble, a funky smell and chewed wires. It just can’t be ignored anymore.  I’m going to have to call a professional.  What if one crawls into my mouth and lays Corellian eggs in the middle of the night for Christ’s sake?!  I know this will be hard to overcome, but honestly I prefer if you just never tell me the odds.
I was horrified to discover not only 1980 Hoth Han Solo, but his stinky (on the outside as well as inside) Tauntaun in my freezer.

Here is yet another 1977 original Han Solo missing his blaster sneaking about behind an original Clint Stone painting.

You know when you discover a Han Solo in carbonite under your sink, it has been there awhile.

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