Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Original Thanksgiving – “True” History Tuesday

The original Thanksgiving was actually the result of an incident in the Grand Canyon.  A family went camping and two of their children, Bobby and Cindy, got lost. Thankfully, they encountered an Indian boy named Jimmy.  The Indian boy wanted to be an astronaut, but the family just made him a turkey, stuffing and cranberry dinner.  The housekeeper’s boyfriend, Sam killed the turkey for dinner. During the “thank goodness our dramatical kids didn’t get lost forever dinner” shortened to Happy Thanksgiving, Cindy erupted in an angry rampage when she couldn’t find her Kitty Karry-All doll.  Naturally, she accused Jimmy first because…well, Jimmy is an Indian.  Then she turned her anger toward Bobby.  Turns out the family dog, Tiger, actually stole the stupid and ugly doll.

After the meal, the family played the first ever Thanksgiving football game.  The oldest daughter, Marcia had been crushing on two Indians named Charlie and Doug.  They were having a rain dance in a few days and Marcia inadvertently made a date with both guys.  She made an excuse to Charlie so she could go with Doug.  Doug was the kind of guy who only wanted a pretty squaw or girl on his arm.  Well anyway, during the after meal football game Marcia was hit on the nose by a football.  This resulted in her nose swelling up and looking hideous.  Doug immediately left the game without not so much as a goodbye to Marcia.  The football game continued until Greg, Bobby and Peter broke their mother Carol’s favorite vase.  The idiots tried to glue it back together.  The only person who could not see the water leaking out of the lamp was the middle daughter, Jan.  Everyone realized she needed glasses.  At this point, Marcia dumped Charlie and decided to take Davy Jones to the rain dance.

After the game the family returned to their campsite and discovered a strange and taboo Tiki idol.  The Tiki idol was carved by the Indians.  They laughed when Greg wiped out during the after pumpkin pie surfing competition.  Bobby decided he needed to be a safety monitor to keep such accidents to a minimum.  Just before the family crashes for a tryptophan induced nap, Jan had a complete fit.  She was angry that none of the Indians at the Thanksgiving dinner could tell her apart from Marcia.  She decided the only solution to this problem was to wear a black wig.   Then Cousin Oliver showed up and everyone left because he was so annoying.

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