Thursday, June 23, 2011

As If Going to the Gynecologist Isn’t Weird Enough…

If you haven’t seen this…check it out!

Yesterday my partner and I went to the doctor for our annual exams.  It is a necessary evil and quite honestly, just weird.  Talking about the weather or movies you’ve seen with the doctor while they are messing around in your junk truly falls into the uncomfortable category.  Yesterday, however, there was an added element of odd…no electricity. A storm, the night before, had knocked down some trees and took out all the power in the area of our doctor’s office.  We tried to reschedule, but the doctor was adamant about keeping her appointments.  For the record, peeing in a cup in total darkness is not easy…even if your partner is trying to help out in an examination gown and sheet holding your cell phone for light.  We found this very funny and freaking weird.  Then off she went back to her exam room and me to my room.  The exam table faces a window and the blinds were wide open for light.  I closed the blinds because I mostly didn’t want the lawn care crew working outside to see my business splayed out.  Then in came the doctor and her nurse with a giant flashlight.  One of the other nurses had gone to Walgreens just a few minutes before to pick up the flashlight and some mountain dews for the front desk crew.  I knew this because I watched the transaction go down in the waiting room.  I’m a big vagina fan, but let’s be honest they aren’t the prettiest things in the world and really shouldn’t be spotlighted by flashlight.  It was just WEIRD!
Once that was finally over, I got dressed and moved on to having my blood drawn.  The nurse who performed this relatively easy procedure was not happy about the no electricity situation.  She was trying to figure out where she would spin the specimens.  She kept talking to herself, but staring me in the eye while she went over the plan out loud.  Her frustration was apparent when she put the needle in my arm and then kept moving it around as she went over possible spin locations. I’m sure my eyes were wide with horror and pain, but she didn’t notice…3rd Avenue became the best location for the spin.  I nearly ran out of the office when it was over.  My coochie and veins felt more violated than usual.  If you are a lights off kind of person, trust me it isn’t a good idea when going for your annual exam.

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