“True” History Tuesday – The Unknown Comic

History shows that the Unknown Comic was a guy named Murray Langston who did comedy bits during the seventies with a paper bag over his head.  History is wrong.  “True” history shows that the Unknown Comic was actually the Zodiac Killer who was named D.B. Cooper.  D.B. Cooper was born in the Scottish Highlands in the Loch Ness.  Eventually, he made his way to the Bermuda Triangle where he was raised by a Sasquatch, named Rose Sage.  D. B. Cooper took a turn for the worse when his dog, Chupacabra, was killed in the late 1950s.  He wandered the desert in Area 51 for several years only to emerge in Northern California.  He was involved in several horrible murders…no doubt a product of being born of Nessie and raised by Bigfoot. 

Although he never was brought to trial for his awful crimes as the Zodiac Killer, he was punished by Amelia Earhart.  Among other things, she made him watch that crappy movie Amelia with Hilary Swank nonstop for six years.  It was at this point that he changed his name to the Unknown Comic and made an appearance on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In and later a regular bit on The Gong Show.  Once again, “True” History Tuesday clears up a lingering mystery.  You’re welcome.