Tuesday, June 28, 2011

“True” History Tuesday - Rasputin Invented the Ice Schlong

The snow cone was invented by Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin in 1915.   Rasputin is best known for his relationship with the last Tsaritsa of Russia, Alexandra Feodorovna Romanov.  She believed he had the power to minimize her son, Alexei’s (the heir to the throne of Russia) hemophilia. He is also remembered for his murder at the hands of Felix Yusupov and other anti-Rasputin conspirators.  He is remembered for that because he was really freaking hard to kill.  Like a flea.  Have you ever noticed how hard they are to kill?  He was poisoned, shot and thrown in the icy Neva River.  Turns out, he died from drowning.
Rasputin invented the snow cone for two reasons:  he wanted a cold and sugary treat and he wanted to way to control rich Russians by using a cold and sugary treat.  He figured if he could drug the entire country he would forever get to live the good life and mingle with royalty.  Rasputin didn’t have a lot of money.  He was from Siberia.  He knew he could get a never ending supply of ice.  He also had a friend who made sugary syrup for the Waffle House.  Combining these two elements, he screamed, “OY!”  It was good and it was cheap and mind control drugs could be hidden deep within the confines of the ice.  It was his very own version of the babushka nesting dolls…only not a babushka or a doll and made out of ice and sugary syrup
Rasputin decided to call his invention, the Yefimovich Schlong.  He would sell them on every corner and control all of Russia.  The problem was nobody was interested in Yefimovich’s Schlong.  It was oddly shaped and sticky.  People just didn’t want something like that in their mouth.  His plan failed and he was murdered.  His recipe was stolen, revamped and reshaped.  It was well-received with its new name, the Snow Cone.

No comments:

Post a Comment