Sunday, June 26, 2011

Throw Up Dip and The Horror of Publicly Throwing Up

Clearly it is never pleasant to throw up in public.  Most all of us have horrifying childhood stories involving a vomiting incident.  And you’re lying or you don’t drink alcohol, if you don’t have at least one too-much-to-drink puking event.  Sadly, I have quite a few puking stories…mostly because I was an awkward kid and I sometimes drink too much of the alcohol.  There are two incidents, however, that really stick out amongst my throw up stories. 

The first throw up story was when I was in elementary school.  I remember feeling the horror of knowing I was going to vomit.  The teacher sensed it, too.  I’m sure I must have turned white.  I’m sure the panic showed in my wide eyes.  The memory in my head is entirely in slow-motion.  She made a run for the trash can.  As she did that, my mouth watered one last time…there was no stopping it now.  She moved like lightning only in slow-motion.  She made it across the room and back to me with the trash can.  She had saved the day.  Then I puked…and completely missed the trash can.   The next throw up story involved alcohol.  I was 22.  I went with a friend to her 10 year high school reunion.  Why I even went is still stupid.  I had no business being there.  Naturally, she went to visit with all her old friends.  I was left alone…too close to the bar.  I drank way too much way too quick.  I finally staggered my way to the bathroom.  In my mind, I just had to pee, which I successfully accomplished.  Leaving the bathroom, however, things went bad.  This memory, like the other memory, is entirely in slow-motion.  The door to the bathroom opened, someone was coming in and I was going out and then I projectile vomited on that someone coming in to the bathroom.  I have no doubt I looked exactly like Linda Blair in The Exorcist…only my head didn’t spin around.  It was horrifying.  Did I mention I had enchiladas for dinner? She understandably screamed.  I felt so bad and embarrassed.  My friend later made me feel better by saying she was the snottiest girl in high school, but still you can’t undo what has been puked in public.

Throw Up Dip (
1 (8 oz) package of cream cheese
1 jar of salsa
1 ½ pounds of ground beef
1 bag of plain Doritos

Brown ground beef and drain.  Mix in cream cheese and allow to melt.  Add salsa and let simmer, stirring frequently.  Put in bowl and serve with Doritos!

Vomit Cocktail Recipe (


Puke in glass

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