Everyone knows Santa
Claus as the jolly man who stuffs his fat ass down your chimney to deliver
presents on Christmas Eve. He travels
the world in a sleigh led by flying reindeer.
He lives at the North Pole with a bunch of toy making elves. This has been the story for years, but what
you don’t know is Santa Claus also loves to sing and hates disco.
Santa Claus, also
known as Chris Kringle, got really pissed during the rise of disco in the
1970s. He was always a singer and
songwriter, but he only ever performed for Mrs. Claus and the elves. His anger at disco convinced him it was time
to take his singing to a wider audience.
He used some of his secret glitter magic, the same magic he uses to make
reindeer fly, to alter his looks just slightly and then mesmerize record executives
at Warner Brothers. His debut album
soared to the top of the charts. His haunting
ballads captivated the world. He sang of
sailing and riding like the wind and nobody every guessed he was singing about
his sleigh and reindeer. He really
kicked disco in the boogie oogie oogie ass with his music.
Before going back to the North Pole he recorded Arthur’s Theme for the
movie Arthur. This song was actually
about one of his favorite elves who had a drinking problem. Christopher Cross Claus Kringle will always be
remembered for Christmas and his record-breaking debut album Christopher Cross.
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