Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Mayan Calendar – “True” History Tuesday

They Mayan Calendar was actually refined and extended by Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus around the 5th century BCE.  The Mesoamerican calendar did not originate with the Maya, but Morvan and Pilatus were assigned the task of making the calendar more Mayan friendly.  What was not known by the Mayan king, who assigned them this task, was that they were bungling idiots who couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time.*

Morvan and Pilatus worked on the calendar, but grew bored. The duo decided to drink a special potion called “Jell’y’kin Shotz” to make the work more entertaining.  Unfortunately, Pilatus made some changes to the drink.  Pilatus was really into Pilates because he recently bought a gym membership.  He discovered, while reading a scroll on Pilates, that herbal teas were really good for cleansing your intestines.  He decided to make a herbal tea from leaves and intestines.  He added the concoction to the jell’y’kin shotz.  This was a very bad idea.  The deity Itzamna appeared to the pair and transported them through time to the late 1980s.  Because of their cool hair, good bodies and rocking dance moves, a man named Frank Farian hired them.  The pair went on to appear as the front men pretending to sing for the group Milli Vanilli.  The Maya Calendar was never completed and Milli Vanilli shocked the entire universe and had their Grammy revoked for by only acting like they were actually singing instead of really singing.

*Speaking of walking and chewing gum:

Walk and Shoot Gum Jelly Shots

Knox- one packet
Bubble Gum Syrup- One Part
Bubble Gum Vodka- One part
Empty Dubble Bubble gum wrappers

Add all ingredients.  Let set up in fridge.  Enjoy.

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