Saturday, January 21, 2012

Lying to My Mom About Margaret Thatcher

My mom called me last weekend to let me know she had seen the Iron Lady with Meryl Streep. She said, “I like muh muh merrrral strip…oh, I can never say her name!”  When my phone rang, I answered and said, “Hey, Mom, how are you?” She said, “How old was Margaret when she died?”  I said, “Huh?”  Then she went on to tell me she had seen the movie.  I finally said, “Mom, Margaret Thatcher isn’t dead.”  She said, “Yes, she is.  She died three months ago.”  I said, “No.”  She said, “Yes.”  I finally looked on the internet and said, “She’s still alive.”  We went round and round and round.  My mom did not buy that she was alive and kept stating she just wanted to know how old Margaret was when she died.  I finally caved and said 86.  Yes…I lied to my mother.  I figured she’d forget about it.  I figured this because sometimes she does not get the obvious…like say the premise of the Iron Lady.  Here is an example:

Iron Lady is told through Margaret Thatcher’s dementia flashbacks.  She hallucinates that her husband is there…when in reality, he has been dead for years.  I said to my mom, “Isn’t that sad that she thinks her husband is there when he is actually dead.”  Mom said, “He’s dead?  I didn’t know that.  Are you sure?”  I said, “Yes Mom, I’m sure.”  Our conversation continued, but I’m sure she didn’t believe me about the husband. See what I mean?

At any rate, I got another call.  Mom’s friend, Gloria, wanted to know how I had so “quickly” got the information about Margaret’s death age.  BTW – my mom and Gloria are on a first name bases with Lady Thatcher.  I said, “Google.”  My brain, however, was thinking I’m busted.  When I said Google my mom repeated snoogle.  “No, Mom, GOOGLE G.O.O.G.L.E.  My mom never says internet and has no idea what internet means.  She always says computer.  She said, “Do you just type that in the computer?  What is snoogle google?  I looked up Margaret in the World Books and I can’t find anything.”  Please keep in mind; the World Books she is referring to were new in 1972.  I said, “Google is a place to search for information.”  Mom says, “Can Gloria get there or does she need a card like the library?”  I then explained how she needed to type the information in because I assume Gloria knows where to find the internet on her computer.  Explaining www. and having to repeat everything 10 times until mom has it written down was…exhausting.  Any day now, I suspect, my cover will be blown. Gloria will uncover my mother appeasing lie.  I’ll live in fear until that day…which was today.  The phone rang.  I saw it was my mom and nearly jumped out of my skin.  It was time for me to pay the price.  I answered and mom said, “Did you hear about Paula?”  Mom has a friend name Paula so I said, “What’s wrong with Paula?”  She said, “the diabetes.”  It was then that I knew she meant Paula Deen.  Mom went on to explain to me that, “You don’t have to always eat sweets it just has something to do with your pancreas.  I don’t really know the story.  But I do know she’ll have to prick her finger.”  The conversation continued with no mention of the very much alive Margaret.  Hopefully, I dodged a bullet.

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