Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Real Hunger Games – “True” History Tuesday

Many, many years before Suzanne Collins wrote her page-turning trilogy, The Hunger Games, the actual real hunger game battle took place and went virtually unnoticed by history.  The real hunger games, however, was nothing like the post-apocolyptic novel series.  This battle for survival and food took place in the middle-ages in an overly crowded McDonalds drive-thru.  Although the actual date is lost to history, we do know that the event occurred somewhere around the late 1300s, just after the invention of the two-lane drive-thru system.  The new system was very confusing to drivers.  People felt like other drivers were cutting in front of them.  The Bubonic Plague made people jumpy and more easily annoyed.  Additionly, the mechanical overly happy voice asking if you wanted a mocha latte made people's blood boil. Combine the plague and the voice with the confusion of the new drive-thru system and you had a brawl waiting to happen.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was literally a soft drink straw that was thrown in violence at a rider on a camel waiting for his Big Mac.  The straw thrower felt certain the camel driver had cut in front of him, when in reality it was really just his turn to move forward to the payment window.  The camel driver unsheathed his curved long sword and cut off the other driver’s head.  This unleashed pandemonium. All the driver’s began to rumble.  Arrows, knifes, throwing stars, war hammers, blood and body parts flew outside the McDonalds.  The mayhem only concluded when one driver was left standing.  This driver claimed all the orders and took them back to her village.  For the rest of her days, she was considered a hero.

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