The Big Mac was invented in 1778 by the Polynesian people of Hawaii. The Polynesians really wanted to help Captain James Cook. In January of 1778, Cook and his crew were a serious bunch of lost bastards. They were attempting to discover the Northwest Passage between Alaska and Asia. They were wandering about and had no idea how to use Google Maps. They were surprised and shocked when they found the Hawaiian Islands so far north in the Pacific Ocean. It is a miracle they ever found anything, really.
Once Cook and his crew arrived on the islands, they were impressed by the generosity of the Polynesian people. The Polynesians were being really nice because they sort of thought Cook and his crew were touched (a.k.a. special education material). The Polynesians talked slow and smiled a lot. They noticed that Cook and his crew had completely run out of food. They had absolutely no idea what was edible on the islands. One of the Polynesians found the new arrivals kicking and throwing around a pineapple. The fools thought it was a football. The Polynesians cooked dinner for the explorers that night. They made a sandwich with two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and pineapple on a sesame seed bun. Captain James Cook loved the sandwich so much he renamed the islands the Sandwich Islands.