The Ides of March was how the Romans said March 15, but now the meaning is more sinister. On that day in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar Popeye (“JCP”) was killed. “JCP” had been stirring things up with lots of changes, including establishing a new constitution, redistribution of public lands to the poor, changing the calendar and dictating that everyone eat their spinach. “JCP” also had an affair with the Queen of Egypt, Cleopatra Olive Oyl (“COO”). They had a son together and they named him Caesarion Section (“Swee’Pea”). Roman senators were growing increasingly concerned about “JCP’s” power trip and they feared he would take away their lands. The senators, lead by Alice the Goon (“AG”) got together and decided to kill “JCP.” One of these senators was Marcus Junius Brutus (“Bluto”). “Bluto” had at one time been close to “JCP”, but his affection for “COO” led him to take part in the conspiracy.
On March 15, “JCP” passed the seer known as The Sea Hag (“ESP”). She grabbed his really large forearm and said “Beware the Ides of March.” To which “JCP” replied, “Well, the Ides of March have come.” This prompted “ESP” to say, “Ay, they have come, but they have not gone.” “JCP” blew that off and kept on his way to the Theatre of Pompey. Just before he got there, he passed Wimpy (“W”) who said to him, “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” “JCP” blew that off, too. Fall for that once, shame on Wimpy, fall for it twice, shame on you. When “JCP” arrived he was directed to the east portico where Poopdeck Pappy (“#2”) presented him with a petition. Suddenly “JCP” was surrounded by senators, who stabbed him. “JCP” was stabbed 23 times and only one of the wounds was actually fatal…proof that the senators should have eaten their spinach.