Monday, January 10, 2011

Brilliance Through Vodka

Snow and ice are such a rarity here in Alabama that it seems superfluous to pass on this bit of unexpected housewife advice, but my need to bring joy to mankind is just stronger than my need to be overly gratuitous.  The freezing temperature outdoors lends itself to being the perfect chilling condition for your vodka!
Clearly, given the hysteria surrounding a forecast of an ice storm in the Deep South, I thoroughly stocked the freezer with enough meat to guarantee our survival for the day or at most two days that we will be unable to leave the house.  In order to make room, sacrifices were made.  We had to have room for that entire deer, 200 pounds of chicken, 55 pounds of lasagna and 316 gallons of ice cream…this was our life we are talking about for God’s sake.  There was no way to justify to Tiffany keeping the 24 bottles and 7 chilled flasks of vodka in the freezer.  I could have let depression overtake me at the thought of eating deer hoof soup without properly chilling the vodka for my dirty martini…but no, I am smarter and I am more resourceful than that.  I lined my deck with all that vodka…like a wall of beautiful turrets lining a majestic castle in the Middle Ages.  Sitting at the window watching the sleet and snow, we joyously toasted my brilliance over a perfect tasting Cape Cod. This morning over our breakfast of deer bacon and ice cream, we laughed liked mentally unhinged hyenas at how amazingly crisp and delicious our morning Bloody Marys tasted. We are confident, that on all fronts, our survival was assured.  There is no getting around the fact, that at this moment, I am the hero housewife.

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