Monday, January 3, 2011

Carrot Top Therapy

Now I certainly haven’t been laid off enough to spread around unemployment advice, but that is not going to stop me from doing just that right here.  An especially annoying side-effect of being without a job is this feeling of worthlessness that goes along with it.  The feeling that sitting in your house, watching talk shows, eating potato chips and braiding your dog’s hair is in no way contributing to the betterment of society.  It just comes over at random moments when you least expect it like scary Google images of Carrot Top that somehow got stuck in your brain log of crap and pop up unexpectedly during quiet moments of reflection. 
I know getting laid off wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t stop my brain from torturing me from time to time.  You know what jack holes our brains can be. That being said, I decided to do a little research and discovered that according to the Journal of Neuroscience, Psychology, and Economics the majority of people who lose their jobs report feeling just as happy after one year as they did before they were laid off.  Well great…is that supposed to make me freaking feel better?!  In 365 days imma feel just fine!  Well screw that, you need to do a few things that will shake you right out of that jobless funk now.  First and foremost, drink lots of water.  This is good advice anyway and it is tried and true and makes me sound much smarter than I really am so I’m including it here.  Next, you need to watch shows that highlight people who are far worse off than you.  My suggestions are A&E’s Hoarders and The Learning Channel's  My Strange Addiction  Hoarders will horrify you as well as prompt a thorough cleaning of your house while My Strange Addiction will just make you scratch your head and feel like you completely have your shit together.  Another bit of advice is to volunteer somewhere.  There is nothing that will make you feel more like you are contributing to society than that.  Lastly, I suggest listening to lots of ABBA and quoting their lyrics randomly to strangers punctuated with exaggerated movements and dramatic expressions. 


  1. Can you hear the drums, Fernando?!! I can't wait to try out that last bit of advice.

  2. It really does work. I was just doing it in the produce section at the grocery. I feel so much better!